Mayan Brains and Octopus Farts
by wolfeclipse25
Summary: 'BirdSpeedWater!AU but you might be able to read if you read the A/N. Might not be too funny, but I tried. In which, Whisper and Artemis are fighting again, Tempest is reading calmly in their presence, and Robin has to be the parent again. Oh, and apparently it's the end of the world.


**A/N: es el 21 de diciembre de 2012**

**I know I should be working on chapter 14 of 'A Bird, Speed, and Water,' (which is at the part where Robin and Artemis finally meet up with the others after they got captured, it's based off 'Homefront') but I got this idea, and couldn't refuse it.**

**This is from the universe of my story 'A Bird, Speed, and Water.' For those who have not read that story, I am not going to make you read it if you don't want to. So I will list the key elements.**

**1) Robin is like the current Robin but wears a ninja outfit and has a scarf around his mouth. He is mute and has brown eyes.**

**2) Tempest is like Aqualad but named Tempest and wears an outfit similar to Aqualad's stealth-tech one.**

**3) Whisper is like Kid Flash but has blonde hair. He wears a black zip-up hoodie and sweatpants.**

** I tried my hand at humor, so please tell me if it was funny or not!**

**Review please!**

**-wolfeclipse25**

* * *

Tempest sat on the couch with a book on his lap in the Lounge. Suddenly, a wind blew, and his page nearly flipped. Calmly, he stopped it with his hand. Whisper panted in front of him from the effort of running around Mt. Justice. "Tempest," he gasped between gulps of air.

Tempest closed his book, and looked at the speedster with mild interest. "Yes, Whisper?"

"Have you see," huff "a duffel bag I can use?"

"No, but-"

"Thanks!" and then Whisper was off. Tempest sighed and shook his head. That crazy boy. Whisper had been running around the Cave for the past ten minutes. What is he thinking now?

A grumbling sound emerged from the Living Quarters. Then there was a thud as Artemis flopped down on the love seat near Tempest. She was in an oversized jersey and shorts. "What is the idiot doing now?" she muttered.

"I don't know," Tempest answered.

Artemis jumped. "Holy-! What are you doing up this early!?"

Tempest looked at her, confusion written on his face. "Is it not alright for me to be up this early? And didn't you notice the lights were on?"

"But-! What-! Oh, never mind," Artemis gave up. Meanwhile, Whisper was running around the Cave still. Suddenly, there was a shriek and Whisper ran around the Kitchen and Lounge, only to head towards the Souvenir Room.

He was screaming, "I'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIE-!"

Artemis and Tempest stared in the direction Whisper had run with wide eyes. From the direction Whisper came from Conner came out, growling. "Where'd he go?" he snarled, cracking his knuckles.

The two pointed in the direction of the Souvenir Room. Conner nodded his thanks and started stalking his way there. Soon there was a crashing and another scream followed by Whisper running towards the Hangar. Conner followed at a calm but threatening walk. "I'm gonna kill you, you freakin' coward!"

"I prefer the term 'speedster' or 'amazing awesomeness.'" Whisper said, appearing next to the couch Tempest was sitting at.

Conner threw a lamp at the ground. "Run," he said. Whisper 'meeped' and was a streak of grays.

"Wha-What just happened?" Artemis asked, shocked.

Tempest looked up, and smiled. "Oh, good. Whisper found the duffel bag he was looking for."

"Is that all you care about!" Artemis yelled, "Your best friend is about to die from your teammate, and your best friend is also acting insane, and all you care about is him finding a duffel bag that he could've used to put a body in!?"

Tempest pondered her words for –I don't know-a second and then responded, "Yes, pretty much,"

Artemis screamed her frustration.

"What's wrong, Artemis?" M'gann asked. She looked around seeing said archer and Tempest and then seeing a blurred Whisper being chased by an enraged Conner. "Why is everyone awake?" She seemed unaffected by the murderous aura coming from her boyfriend.

"Idiot woke me up," Artemis mumbled, her voice muffled from the loveseat cushions.

M'gann smiled. "Whisper did the same thing to Conner! He asked something about… help with giant weights?"

Artemis groaned again. "What is he thinking?"

Whisper suddenly came flying back into the Lounge, jumping clear over Tempest's heard, screaming "I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYYY! I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKYYYYY! ANYTHING CAN HAPPEEEEEEEEENNNNN! WHEN YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN FLY-!"

"IF I CAN'T FLY, YOU CAN'T FLY!" Conner roared.

Whisper suddenly stopped startling Conner to stop as well. He looked at the clone seriously. Then he screamed, "I BELIEVE SUPEY CAN FLYYYYYY! I BELIEVE HE CAN TOUCH THE SKYYYY-!"

"SHUT YOU NAILS-ON-CHALKBOARD MOUTH UP!" Artemis screamed.

Conner was stunned because no matter how stupid it was, the song still felt a lot to him. No one had ever encouraged him on his flight before. It was… excuse him for a moment. The emotion is too much.

"WHY SHOULD I?" Whisper yelled back, "YOU VOICE IS WORSE!"

"ESCUSE ME?! YOUR VOICE IS LIKE… GLASS SHATTERING!"

"WELL YOURS IS LIKE A GAZELLE SCREAMING WHEN ITS BEING HUNTED BY A LION!"

"YOURS IS LIKE A COWARD'S IN THE FACE OF DEATH!"

"HOW ORIGINAL! YOURS IS LIKE AN ANIME CHRACTER SCREAMING 'KAWAI!' AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS!"

"Conner, wait up!" M'gann shouted. Conner, still overcome with emotion from Whisper's excellent performance, was starting to leave in a stunned silence. "Let's go make cookies later on today after we get some more rest!"

"Sure," Conner responded, his voice unfocused.

"-LIKE A WAILING BANSHEE-" Artemis shouted.

"-LIKE THE SAWING OF A TREE-" Whisper shot back.

"-LIKE THE SCREAMS OF DOGS-"

"LIKE SCREECHING OF WHEELS-"

"-LIKE THE DEAD COMING BACK TO LIFE-"

"LIKE SPONGEBOB'S LAUGH, I CAN MIMIC IT!"

"DON'T YOU DARE-"

"BAAAHAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAAA!"

"ARRRRGGGHH!"

"THAT'S YOU!"

Tempest looked up from his book. "I suggest you two keep quiet or a certain someone will end up being arrested for murder." Oddly, he was very calm with this situation.

"SHUT UP!" they both screamed at him in unison. Tempest raised his hands in surrender.

"What are you even doing up this early?" Artemis asked, gasping. Her face was red and she was sweating. Whisper and her shouting fest had taken a lot out of her.

Whisper's eyes widened. He grabbed Artemis' shoulders, much to her surprise. "Don't you know what tomorrow- or today since it's like one in the morning- is!"

"What?"

Whisper withdrew his hands and said in unbelievable seriousness, "It's the end of the world."

Silence.

"Hahahahahahahahaha!" Artemis laughed, "You seriously believe that crap!?"

Whisper pouted. "Of course I believe it! The Mayans were amazing astrologists! They predicted the world would end December 21, 2012, which is today! I need to prepare for the end of the world. Food, water, clothes, shelter, ect."

Artemis continued laughing.

Tempest sighed. "Do you honestly believe the world will end today?"

Whisper faced him, his face set. "Yes,"

If it was possible, Artemis' laugher grew and she collapsed to the ground.

Whisper's face reddened. "Well, I bet you'll be laughing _so_ much when you're dead and Conner and I are alive!" His arms curled around his duffel bag. "You will not take my souvenirs, Apocalypse! They're mine!" he hissed possessively.

Tempest raised an eyebrow at his friends actions. _So that was what he was doing in the Souvenir Room,_ he thought, _You__ know, before he started screaming about he could fly and everthing._"Why Conner as well?" Tempest asked.

"He's gonna help me with the weights that will hold down our shelter!" Whisper replied happily.

"How stupid." Artemis said, recovering. "Bipolar idiot."

Whisper shook his head in mock disappointment. "Oh, what did I expect from an _archer_ like out dear Arty. Well, Fart- I mean Arty. It was nice meeting you. I'll see in a couple millennium maybe when the Earth is able to support human life again, but unfortunately we will not remember out past lives. Oh, what a tragic affair." Whisper then promptly started to fake cry.

Artemis' face reddened. "MY NAME IS ARTEMIS, IDIOT!" she yelled after kicking him in his abdomen. "GET IT STRAIGHT!" She smirked. "Or can you little Mayan brain not handle it."

Whisper grinned cockily. "Oh, my brain can take, unlike yours."

"YOU FREAKING ARMADILLO!"

"YOU'RE A HIPPOPOTAMUS! ACTUALLY, THE HIPPOS DON'T DESERVE TO BE CLASSIFIED WITH YOU!"

"WELL YOU'RE A BABY SPIDER! AS SOON AS YOU GET A BREATH OF LIFE, YOU DIE!" Artemis slammed her hand on the nightstand next to the loveseat for emphasis.

Whisper blinked. "Just like that?"

Artemis grinned evilly. "Just like that."

Whatever Artemis was expecting, it wasn't this. "Oh, the poor spiders," Whisper whispered, collapsing into a prayer position.

"Get up, dumby! You're the spider!"

Whisper whirled around to her, pointing a finger at her and nearly jabbing her eye out. "Don't talk about the baby spiders like that, you octopus fart!"

Silence.

"Octopus… fart?" Artemis repeated, half in confusion, half in rage.

"Yep," Whisper confirmed with a triumphant grin on his face. "You also-" He froze, a shuriken flying just centimeters from his neck and landing thickly into the wall. Whisper and Artemis looked towards the doorway towards the corridor to the Living Quarters. There was Robin, he was dressed in his mission attire, and he looked _wrathful._

Unfortunately for Whisper and Artemis, Robin was practically leaking murder intent.

"Eh, hey, Rob." Whisper said, nervously, "What's up-?"

'_Shut up.'_

Whisper gulped. Robin didn't usually use the mind-link, but when he did, you had better listen. _Looks like it's the end of the world for me after all,_ Whisper thought.

'_Both of you shut up. __Whisper, the end of the world is not happening today. It may end tomorrow, in ten years, in a millennium, maybe the sun explodes and becomes a freakin' black hole and sucks everything in it- I don't care! What I do care is you two woke me up and kept me awake for the past hour.'_

Robin withdrew his tanto and swung it threateningly to them._ 'Now, if you two don't go back to bed this instant I will skin you, then I'll drain your blood, then I'll eviscerate you, and then I'll destroy your eyeballs somehow managing to keep you alive until I feel like killing you. Am I clear?_

Artemis and Whisper nodded frantically. _We're getting told off by a 13 year old!_ Shouted one part of Artemis' brain, but the other, louder, part was screaming, _Yeah! A 13 year old that can kill us more ways than we can imagine!_

"Crystal clear, sir, yes, sir," Whisper stuttered out.

Robin cocked his head in a manner that suggests he was smiling, and not a nice one at all. _'Good. Now leave,'_

The two disappeared at a speed that would've had the Flash impressed. They were followed by Robin.

Tempest watched them leave, and tutted, getting back to his reading.

"I warned them," he said aloud.

END


End file.
